Wow! I'm finally doing this! I hope you're as thrilled as I am to hear me share my inner most thoughts and inspirations and insights. To give you a real window into my 'mind'; to understand why I do things and what I expect out of life. NOOOTTT!!! I know I'll share a lot but heck, who REALLY knows if what they hear in their heads is really them -- often it's not. That's been my experience anyway.
"Fat" "Out of control" "Loser" "Can't do it" "Stuck" are some of the tapes I've heard from time to time. Especially after the many changes in my life...oh yeah, I heard those tapes.
And so did I act contrary to those tapes? NO, I just went with it.
The reason being that I was feeling heavy in thought. Labored by the responsibility of caring for a toddler and infant; being in a new country; trying to create a home here; not thinking past how I fit into this new paradigm shift --- as a friend said, a shift from driving in a car as a means of transportation, to our feet being our only means of transportation. All these changes that were just happening without my mental reconciliation. Understanding what was happening and how to completely adjust to it. So I just felt heavy. Labored.
Being that's not my natural state of mind, I knew I had to do something about it. Just had to. I started off small, without making too many changes -- started pushing the double stroller instead of dragging it onto the bus. Started walking the dam*-dam:) (you'll hear more about that later on). But I didn't change my diet. My safety net. My fall-to guy. Why? I knew this friend. This was nothing new: heck, double chocolate muffins followed me everywhere -- whatever continent. My friend. My safety net. Everything else needed adjusting to. NOT THIS, SO I HUNG ON!!!
When I realized that man, I only have about 12kgs to go, it suddenly dawned on me... I can actually do this. I asked myself: how would it feel to deal with this and then look at the rest -- what next? what purpose? what career involving work at home and out of them home? who do I want to be within this paradigm shift? It suddenly all seemed within reach. It really did.
SO I thought: bring on the fitness challenge!!!
I'm on this path and am excited about reaching this first summit. I have lost 4kgs thus far. We'll see how much more tomorrow. I'm feeling energetic, freer and yes, lighter. The light is beginning to dawn and it is spectacular!
'til next week...
Trailwalker
