Moments

'First I was dying to finish my high school and start college;
And then I was dying to finish college and start working;
Then I was dying to marry and have children;
And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough so I could go back to work; But then I was dying to retire;
And now I am dying...
And suddenly I realized I forgot to live" Anonymous

Moments.

Ok, so I'm running or power walking up a hill and I let my mind wander -- thinner thighs; ohhh when will this be over; will I even make it; this is killing me...-- totally forgetting all the incredible glory around me! Then I realize: Hold up, where was I? Sleeping?

Sleep-running. Sleep-walking. Chasing after the big goal without taking in what is happening NOW.

Sometimes being awake, i.e. living for me is just breathing and "one foot in front of the other" is what I need. But I'm there. Present. Trudging uphill, but knowing that I am fully enriched and rewarded for sticking with it.

Today I ran in the rain. That focus is all it took...besides, Bono insisting, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY, in my ear! Funny, I took faster steps everytime he reminded me of that! But I took it in. Step-by-step I rejoiced in the freedom and ability to be out there, running in the rain.

After hiking for about 6 miles with two lovely friends yesterday, I felt the same sense of satisfaction. In those moments I was able to take in the tiny, bright yellow flowers greeting the morning glory. Bono didn't have to remind me. EVERYTHING around me screamed it loud and clear!

OK, so I will be more beautiful, more satisfied, more fulfilled, a better wife, mother, friend, sister after I reach my goal weight right? To me, I would have missed the present moments that are the real transformation: persevering, impregnable, expanding beyond my comfort zone (climbing children's monkey bars - petrified but unharmed!!:)).

The ability to experience the beauty, satisfaction, fulfillment, wholeness is NOW. Because beneath all the fictitious layers I've lathered myself in (hhmm lather... batter...), I am still awesome. Today. And man, what fun to see myself stretch and commit. I saw that today. Now. I'm living it. And heck, I am Loving it.

Trailwalker